Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Three years past

Dear Gabriel,

Three years ago seems so long and yet I remember it so clearly. Crystal clear. My water had broken too early, and I was scared. The fear I felt was of the unknown. The unknown of how you would do outside my womb when you needed so desperately to remain there. My fear that you would not cry, would not fight, the fear I would never get to know you.

Your birth was by far the hardest I have had. Hard because I wanted so desperately to be somewhere else. Surrounded by people, doctors and nurses, the men and women who were assigned the task of caring for your tiny, fragile life; a life I had naively assumed would be your father and I's task alone, was brought into this world silently. Your 4lb 12 oz frame stubbornly refused to cry. Your father and I waited, listened, strained to hear what we longed for. And after an eternity those few, your guardians, got you to breathe, to scream, and I collapsed on my pillow, praying that this would be the worst thing I would ever have to face. Two weeks was spent in the NICU. Two weeks of unease, and fear, and the unknown. Two weeks where you beat the odds, avoided infection and jaundice. And now. Now three years have passed and I'm amazed by all that you are.

Only three and yet older. A look in your eyes, the set of your mouth, the knit of your eyebrows? Something gives off a look of wisdom rarely encountered in a child your age. You have a sense of self and an understanding of others which is unusual for a toddler. Your empathetic nature is astounding. In an age that screams "mine"- which you do from time to time- you are often found sharing, teaching, and loving those around you.

Three years have come and gone; and although I have now faced a worse set of circumstances (thanks Preston)...your bewitching green eyes, your beautiful smile, and crazy rowdy hair ensures that the hope born in that wish; on that day, has not died- only grown- in these three years past.

My hope for the future lies with you and your siblings. My love for you will always go unmatched.

Happy Birthday my big boy. Laugh hard.


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