Friday, June 29, 2012


When you're a parent there are a few universal truths you learn to live by:

First of all, don't ever mutter, murmur, state, proclaim, or otherwise brag about your children. It doesn't matter what event has puffed up your chest with pride, bragging is akin to laying a curse upon your own house.

If you are so bold to state that your baby is now sleeping through the night - he will stop sleeping through the night. You proclaim that your son is perfect at toilet training - he'll crap all over your newly acquired white shag carpet.  You mock all those poor women who have children that tantrum in Walmart - you can be rest assured that the next time you go out your kid will be overtired, under stimulated and full of ear piercing, crystal shattering screams.

DO NOT TEMPT MURPHY'S LAW. He is an evil, sly, conniving son of a bitch and he will make you eat your words.

Also, if your day started out badly it WILL end badly - no matter what you do to prevent disaster you will never recover from a morning that has started with the words, "What the hell! It's 5am!!!" *expletive, expletive, muttered and murmured death threats*

And finally your children will always find a way to surprise you. Like that peculiar smell in their room which leads you to a corner by their bed (which you learn has been used as a night urinal) and your son will so pleasantly and innocently state, "Its okay mom, the carpet drinks it".

Whatever the day has been like - cursed or otherwise - children have a real gift for making you raise an eyebrow at their insane logic and crazy shenanigans;

which brings me to my story. 

While I was busy - or otherwise absorbed in some inane activity - my daughter asked me if she could have the rest of the corn pops. Given the day I was having I really didn't care if she decided to smoke crack in the corner just so long as she left me alone. Soon the baby was up from his nap and I marched up the stairs to get him. When I return (after a diaper change and some cuddles) I come across my daughter squatting on the floor and I find myself looking at this...

I'm sure you're asking yourself what the hell that is. I assure you that I asked my daughter that too.

"Edie, what in God's name are you doing with the corn pops!"

"I'm planting seeds" she states, a little tentatively - a tremor in her sweet, little voice.

I soften immediately and take a deep breath.

"What are you trying to grow?" I ask.

She looks up at me - all eyes and smiles - and says, "Popcorn".

The last universal truth all parents know; kids see the world in a way that makes it magically beautiful and you will envy them for it.


dot said...

yay you blogged it!

carrie said...

Yes I did lol.

Lynnjefferson said...

I love this. I can see Edie in my minds eye doing this. Thanks for giving me these moments Carrie. It's gold for a grandma that can't live in the same town. I get to laugh and see a part of their day that is so precious to me.

carrie said...

You're welcome mom!

Stephanie said...

Oh no! That's such an adorable story. Too cute. And I laughed OUT LOUD (legitimately, not just saying that) at the carpet drinking the pee. BAHAHA!

carrie said...

@Stephanie- Yes kids are um...unique?!