Duuhcks

Gabriel and his obsession with cars, or as he calls them "duuhkks" began about 3 months ago. He loves anything on wheels and so it doesn't matter the size, shape, or a make of his toy car, if it can roll he'll play with it. I think his obsession was the first indication to me that perhaps there is a fundamental difference between boy play and girl play. I have never favoured the toys we bought him, in fact we usually let him choose his own type of toy at birthdays, Christmas or when hes outgrown one. And he has picked and played with talking dolls (Iggle Piggle and Elmo) but recently has decided all he wants are cars. We took him to the toy section at Zellers the other day to get an idea of what kind of toys he was drawn to for Christmas when we hit the car aisle. Well my goodness, you would have thought he died and gone to heaven. Everywhere he looked he shouted "Duuhk, duhck" he pushed all the buttons, carried, hoarded, arranged, until his hearts content. Finally it was time to go and we had to practically drag him from the aisle.

When we got home he ran straight to his cars and started to play with them. And although his choice of play would be considered uniquely boy he doesn't play like a normal boy would. He's very protective over his cars, and if he could wash, polish, and display them I'm sure he would. In fact his favorite car game has nothing to do with driving his cars around, making them do cool jumps, or even bashing them together..oh no...his favorite thing to do is park them. He brings out every big, medium and small sized, yellow, green, blue colored, talking, vibrating, and sound making vehicle and drives each about a foot before parking them all next to each other. When Scott and I play cars with him he designates us a car (we aren't allowed to touch any but the one he's given us) and then we get to park it...repeatedly.

One day I told Scott to try parking his one car differently from the others (to judge just how anal he would become) well when he looked at his dad's car parked on its roof he slapped himself in the forehead, groaned, up righted it, and drove it properly to it's parking spot. Scott and I howled with laughter. Normally this bizarre play would make me think my son has OCD but because he doesn't act this way with anything else I've let that fear go. Its just one of his quirks. If you are going to play the all hallowed game of "Duhks" with him, you better play it properly.

Results are in!

So my doctor phoned me from the radiologists office and they have come to the conclusion I have a fibroadenoma. A benign tumour. In laments terms its not cancer! I have one of two options; I can have it removed, or I can leave it and get follow up ultrasounds and breast exams to ensure it hasn't gotten bigger. I have decided to just go and have it removed. I will drive myself insane if I have to go through this every 6 months. So bye bye annoying tumour, soon you will be excised from my breast, never to be seen again!

Life is good when you've got your health! C'est la vie!

Tech challenged?

I got my ultrasound done and the tech was pretty nice..I guess...she didn't talk much. Then when she did talk she kinda stumbled over her words and seemed...nervous. After she was done she said "Wait here, I'm going to look at these in the other room, then talk with the radiologist about them, and he might send a doctor to talk to you". Then as she was leaving she said "the doctor is protocol..." So of course I start to freak out. That was not encouraging in the least. I'm sitting in this tiny room, in the same place I got my ultrasound with Edie, shaking like a leaf, convinced a doctor is going to walk into the room and tell me I have cancer.

I sit there for ten minutes trying my best not to throw up when she walks back into the room and tells me that the results are being sent to my doctor and I will be contacted in two days. So now I have no idea what to think. Her weird behaviour has me freaked out but at the same time the whole scenario changed. No doctor came to see me so maybe she read the results wrong and it is a cyst! Ridiculous. I just want this to be over.

On the bright side my kids were very well behaved for their daddy today and were extra adorable this evening. I have such a wonderful life, I just hope i don't have to fight for it.

i love you

So boob day has arrived. I probably wont get answers today, but when I do I hope the answers are good. I hope its a cyst,in fact, there's an 80 percent probability that it is a benign little lump. Those are some damn good odds. But it's still scary for me; I'll admit it. This journey these past few months hasn't been particularly easy. I never thought about death and sickness too much until this happened and the one thing I have learned is to remember to say "I love you". A fundamental lesson for the ages...hardly...but its still a good one. Being angry and annoyed comes so easily, especially for tired mom's and sometimes its inevitable. I'm not saying that its wrong to feel those things, I'm just saying those things don't need to be held onto for as long as I do at times. I've learned to let go a little, to laugh stuff off, to say my "I love you's" because you never know when it will be the last time you say it, and you always know that when you do say it, it makes the day a little brighter.

I love you Scott, I love you Gabriel, I love you Eden.

I love you because you inspire me towards things I never knew were possible. So for the few who read this blog, before you go to bed tonight, say an extra special I love you to the people who inspire you. They deserve it.

Count down to B day (Boob day)

So it's coming up..B day...the test I've been longing for as well as dreading. The ultrasound of the lump in my breast. I'm not looking forward to stripping down to the waist for an hour but its a necessary evil in order to gain some answers. I hope the answers are good ones. I need to be healthy for my kids. They need me. No one knows them like I do, takes care of them like I do, loves them like I do. So the answers just need to be good. No bad conclusions allowed!

In unrelated news I think my house is slightly haunted. I've been seeing shadows out of the corner of my eyes at night (easily explained away) until I saw a man staring at me through my back door ( I have glass french doors that lead to a back patio) and then he walked to the right and disappeared! At first I assumed I had scared off an intruder...until I realized that in order to move to his right he would have to walk through our old TV and its box, a double stroller and patio furniture...That's a hell of a lot harder to explain away! So now i jump at the littlest thing. Scott of course insists on torturing me. He throws things when I'm not looking to make me jump, gasps at inappropriate times, stares at things behind me, everything short of screaming boo! What a jerk wad! I hope he gets the bejesus scared out of him by the shadow man (that's what I've decided to call him). Although he makes fun of me and wouldn't readily admit it, hes experienced some bizarre phenomena as well.He has witnessed Gabe chatting with something that isn't there, and has felt cold spots while in the kitchen. He believes that I've seen the shadow man and he also finds it a little weird that Gabe will laugh, play and chat with invisible things (are imaginary friends possible at such a young age?)

For a while now Gabe goes up to play in his room but recently he has begun talking to himself OR someone else while hes in there. (the lights just flickered while I've been typing this..something they've been doing on a regular basis for the past few months) And the other day I caught him playing peek a boo with something I couldn't see. Whoever the person is they don't seem to be threatening at all. Gabe thinks the person is hilarious. So I guess that's good but its still freaky as hell to see such weird behaviour from my children, even Edie follows something with her eyes and giggles at inappropriate times. But shes a baby and does a lot of unexplainable things...Gabe and his invisible peek a boo buddy is a lot more unsettling.

Scott thinks that if there is a ghostly shadow man visiting us that it might be someone who was in the military. The neighbourhood we live in was built on the old military base and all the refurbished houses next to us are military homes. So I guess if there was going to be ghosts in our town, this is where you would find them and I suppose if they were going to haunt a family they would pick a military one... or perhaps a family whose one member is RCMP and trains at the part of the base which is still owned and operated by the Canadian Forces... I just wish they would go find someone else to visit. I'm on edge enough as it is! Who knows, maybe I'm crazy...but maybe I'm not.

50 MILLION!!! Not mine.

So today our tv went to tv heaven. It started flickering months ago but would stop after a few minutes, today it just kept on flickering. Once again Scott and I had to delve into our savings to replace something that just wasn't fixable. I'm not sure what it is lately but we cant seem to catch a break. Money comes and, boy, does it ever go. First it was the computer, then our car, now the tv! I guess I could live without tv at night. Oh, who am I kidding I cant live without tv, i've already given it up during the day for healthy child minds! I need my mind good and anaesthetized at night! Scott found a 42" LCD at Wal-Mart for 700 bucks, a litte overkill size wise, but this was the one thing that Scott liked shopping for, so I let him have it. He wins so few battles!

Gabe was absolutely enthralled with it. And when I say 'it' I mean the tv box. It's huge. He kept walking around it and even sat on it to have his snack. It was cute. I don't think he even noticed the new tv to tell you the truth. He did notice the new controller for the tv though, I'm not sure what it is with him and remotes. He likes to pretend they are telephones or cars. He's either talking into one or driving it around!

I also noticed today that he has all his teeth! Pretty nice set of chompers too! Speaking of which I think Edie is starting to teethe, she's drooling up a storm and loves to chew on anything she can get her little hands on. Gabe of course insists on helping her and brings her all sorts of toys she then tries to cram in her mouth. She's not quite coordinated yet so she just ends up crying in frustration. If she cries too hard Gabe comes running to help out. He likes talking to her, kissing her, and pushing her around in her rocking chair (it looks likes shes in a mini wheel chair! And Scott calls her his little Stephen Hawking). Gabe tries to bring her everywhere with him. Its gotten to the point where he even tries to drag her by her arms or pick her up. I have to keep a close eye on that boy. I think he doesn't understand why she just won't walk beside him! He loves her so much and boy is she ever enthralled by him. He is the only one who can make her bust a gut laughing and she watches him like a hawk, smiling at every little thing he does. And the cutest, yet also very annoying, thing she does is cry when he does. She gets so upset when he's hurt, or mad, or throwing a tantrum. Today I had both of them crying hysterically and I couldn't help but laugh while simultaneously sighing in frustration.

My cousin Krissy now gets to enjoy all the wonderful (and not so wonderful) parts of motherhood. She had her little, baby boy (Gage Jesse James) on November 5th. He came out pretty swollen because he was in the birth canal for 3 hours and was a big baby for such a little mommy (8lbs 3 oz. to emerge from Krissy's 5'1 frame) He would have easily been 10 lbs if they hadnt induced her due to high blood pressure (she was 38 weeks and one day). They eventually had to use a vacuum to suck him out.By the time he arrived in the world he was quite bruised. He has had to stay in the hospital for a few days longer than normal, but should be able to go home tomorrow. She was very relieved to hear that he was going to be just fine and told me that she felt horrible looking at her little one in the NICU feeling it was her fault. She remarked to her little boy "Sorry I have a small vagina sweetie" to which her wonderfully colorful, and humorous fiance retorted "Well, I like it!" Krissy just laughed. And so starts her journey of motherhood which will be filled with these moments of worry and laughter. Welcome Kris, it's an awesome club!