Saturday, March 10, 2012

Birthdays and Biopsies

I cut his hair myself, shave it short – cop hair - because its thick and unruly and he has issues with trust and electric razors.  His green eyes are one of his best features and his full lips will be some pretty girl’s dream one day. He’s going to be handsome, everyone tells me so, but his most striking feature is his gorgeous smile. He’s a serious sort of kid, always absorbed in some sort of thought, so when he smiles and cracks his intense façade it’s adorable.
He’s only three – soon to be four (March 14th) – and his strong and unwavering belief in what’s right and wrong never ceases to amaze me. He is the family’s moral compass and I have caught his father looking at him often with admiration and pride. Scott likes to boast that if there’s a child of his that will follow in his footsteps and become a police officer, it will be Gabe.

Truth be told, this statement terrifies me. Not my baby, I want to say, but I know Scott’s right. Gabe is too literal, too rigid in his understanding of what’s fair to avoid the draw of what his father does. Gabe likes to be a hero and want his closest family to see him as such. He referees fights between kids, he hands out warnings to his siblings about what is expected of them, and does his best to keep people safe.

He’s super sweet too. He can be heard saying “I love you” on a near constant basis, and will kill himself in numerous fake falls just so he can hear Preston’s melodious laugh. He picks up his toys when I begin to clean (before I ask him), he changes his own bedding when he has a nighttime accident, he thanks me profusely if I clean his room, or make him an extra special dinner; and If I pretend to be upset by something one of the children has done (Preston and Edie aren’t nearly as sympathetic as Gabe) he’s the first one by my side, stroking my arm and telling me that it’s okay. He loves to inform me that  I’m his “favourite” and that he wants to “keep me”. He melts my heart.              

He’s turning four (going on twenty) and I just wish he understood that being a kid is fun too, he needs to take a little more time playing, and a little less time correcting all the injustices in his small little world.  But if he really wants to he can continue telling me how much he loves and appreciates me… :) I won't complain.

Speaking of myself and not complaining (weak lead in…I know) I received one of my two biopsies. This was a core needle biopsy and the wait was the worst part of the entire process. The request for my biopsy was put in Dec 23rd and by March 6th I finally had the biopsy done. For those of you who have never experienced it I have to say that it wasn’t so bad for me. She cleaned the area, numbed me, sliced me with a scalpel so that she wouldn’t have to pierce the skin with the needle itself, and inserted the tip of the “gun” as the radiologist dubbed it into the hole she’d just cut. With ultrasound as her guide she found the lump, positioned the gun appropriately and fired a length of needle through the tumour gathering the needed tissue. She did this twice as the tumour was small (1.5 cm), and the needle was a 16 gauge. She then informed me that the look of the tumour on ultrasound and the smell…yes “smell” of the gathered tissue, reassured her that the tumour was benign. Now I’m not sure if she was being figurative or literal about the smell but I’m going to assume she knows what she’s doing!

Next week I should have the results and a date for my last biopsy; this one is an excisional (they take the tumour out). They are taking it out because it hurts and because it’s irregular shaped. I’m a little more stressed out over this biopsy because the ultrasound results weren’t completely reassuring... though my surgeon tells me that it’s most likely a “Complex Fibroadenoma"; however she also told me that the tumour “requires” biopsy and anything that “requires” further testing freaks me out. I haven’t had the best run with luck, odds or percentages in the past five years, so I just want this all over with already. I hate “waiting”. Waiting is LAME. I just want answers.  

So anyway that’s why March has been a slow month for blogging, I’ve been busy with biopsies and birthdays! Hopefully April will allow more time for my writing!

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