Monday, August 31, 2009

To sex or not to sex, that was the question, and apparenty I didnt know it.

So, after having a baby, six weeks is the number men and women look forward to. For me (and i believe mothers in general) six weeks represents the all important, very exciting, first smile from my newborn child. Around that time my hard work pays off when finally this little person shows appreciation for all that I do. For Scott (and I believe men in general) six weeks is when sex can safely be resumed. Well any mother will tell you that six weeks after a traumatic, vagina tearing, uterus cramping, lack of sleep, sore nipples, barely able to say your own name three times fast event, sex is the furthest thing from your mind. SO when my hubby (whose usually quite attuned with my needs, caring, loving and nurturing) asked me to fix the Internet on the laptop in our bedroom I agreed and didn't think much more of it (our tower had bit the dust and the 20 year old...okay 5 year old...laptop was the only piece of computer technology we had on hand). He quickly said he would join me upstairs but I had just put Edie to sleep (not an easy feat with a colicky baby) and I refused to move her, and refused to have her left alone on the couch in the TV room. So Scott agreed to stay downstairs while i attempted to fix the Internet.

I came downstairs a half hour later defeated. The old laptop just wasn't going to connect to the Internet. Scott seemed annoyed but I chalked it up to having no Internet. For the next 6 hours Scott ran hot and cold. He would interact with me normally one minute, and then the next minute would completely ignore me, giving me the silent treatment. Now normally this kind of behaviour would raise a red flag but truthfully I was exhausted and didn't care, more over his behaviour wasn't severe enough to really register on my 'Scott's mad o meter' .

Five minutes before Scott left for work he revealed why he had been aloof all day. He was mad because today was the 14th, and he had that dated circled (his words not mine) for the all important love making session that would occur. My disbelief and shock soon turned to rage. He had that date circled?!?! Well by all means let the romance begin. He then asked accusingly if I had noticed anything different about our bedroom..."no...did you clean it?" because in my mind that would have been a momentous occasion and deserve reward. "No, I made up Edie's cot, and there was a condom and lube on the bedside table". Again my shock at his lack of foresight was enormous...was he really digging this hole even deeper for himself? "well excuse me" I retorted. "If I had noticed what effort you put into finding lube and a condom, I would have been taken aback by your alluringly romantic intentions. How dare I not notice how much time you put into having your wife switch from mommy mode to sex kitten. Who cares that I haven't slept a solid night since Edie came home, that I haven't showered or shaved for three days, or that I'm still stiff and sore since her birth. By all means may I once more put my needs last so I can fulfill someone else's".

Scott mumbled something about being late and started to walk out the door when I yelled "if you want it, earn it". When he got home the next day my lecture continued and I said that since he clearly wasn't understanding what women need I would spell it out for him. "I want time to myself, a bath drawn for me, some candles, maybe a glass of wine. Then I want a massage, and after I feel human again, then you will receive my bounty. Until then you can go visit Miss Palm a la Handerson and never mention your ill fated attempt at sex again.

He did let me have a bath and gave me a full body massage and although it was missing some key romantic ingredients, I rewarded the effort, and I think hes a little wiser to what I require for next time. At the very least I hope he realizes that "fix the Internet" will never register as an obvious hint for having sex in an already exhausted and barely there mommy mind, although really, I'm not sure it would have registered as a request for sex in a fully rested brain either.

2 comments:

Jess said...

I like to call Steve "Daddy Dumb Dumb". You should too.
I love the "Palm a la Handerson" joke.
Cutie. :)

carrie said...

:) Men are dumb sometimes for sure!Sex addicts...