The past week has seen a significant improvement in my patience. All it took was a little effort and now the household seems much more relaxed. Gabe has started to behave better thanks to the time I get to spend with him now that Edie is feeling better, and not being so colicky. Laughter is once more becoming the norm rather than angry frustration and the difference is quite noticeable. My next new attempt at wholesome motherhood ;) is to stop swearing. So Flying Flamingo has replaced the F word and Gosh Dang it has replaced goddamn it. So now I can say with confidence that if my children learn a swear, it did not come from me! In all the world there is not one person who could ever make me want to change; the only exception to this rule are my kids. There's nothing I wont do for them, even admit when I'm wrong (not an easy feat for a stubborn Taurus). I also feel renewed faith in myself. Having two kids under the age of two was a big change and I did not handle it as well as I should have. But now I'm getting back to the root of who I was before the stress of pregnancy and of having another child changed me. I've reconnected with the maternal side of me and it feels great. I know Gabe is also happier with the new me...old me...the mother he knew before I let the stress of life wear at me. I once heard a quote that to "kill for your child, or to die for your child was the easiest thing in the world, but to live for your child...now that's hard". And Gosh Dang it, I'm going to do it. I'm going to live the best possible life so that my kids always know that family is where true happiness lies. It's not about money or prestige, about your job or the car you drive, life is about love and laughter. And if you want to love in a way you never knew was possible and laugh the most sincere laugh you'll ever experience then have a child.
I cant wait for my siblings to experience this simple truth. Recently my brother Jared and his girlfriend Mandy got pregnant. She is now 19 weeks along and they had their 18 week diagnostic ultrasound a few days ago. It was discovered that their baby boy has a cleft lip. Its not yet known if the cleft lip is severe, or if there is also a cleft palate, but needless to say they didn't take the news well. Of course they are scared for the surgeries to come, and are afraid of what their child will suffer physically and emotionally. I've listened as best I could, and tried to explain, especially to Mandy that there isn't one genetic anomaly in the world that could affect how they view their baby. That the love they will have for that little guy will overshadow any worries they have about what others think. She's terrified that she will feel ashamed to show him off. She does not yet realize that the shame she may feel will be for those who don't know how precious a thing it is to have a child. A baby is the greatest miracle, and most awesome gift any person could receive. Anyone who tries to wreck that through misguided and unfortunate judgements are the ones who she will feel ashamed to know. I for one cant wait to look in that little ones face, tell him I love him, and inform him of how very beautiful he is.