Our Journey

Dear Gabriel (my favourite...son.)

You will be two in less than a month and I can't believe how much you have changed. I look at your face and am confused by it's boyish features. I don't know how the days move so fast.

Wasn't it yesterday that your tiny body was enveloped in my arms, snuggled against my chest, barely containing enough strength to eat? Today I have a hard time holding you, your weight which was once a non issue (4 lbs 12 oz) is now too much for me to lift without back spasms, and muscle shakes. There's also those squirmy, spaghetti arms and legs that go limp without warning when your done with your snuggles as you're no longer content to sit still for longer than a nanosecond at a time.

Wasn't it yesterday you stared at me with such big, bright eyes and gave me that first smile, the smile which warmed and melted my tired mommy veneer? Today your smile takes on a hint of mischief and I often find myself wondering...what has he done now...my new veneer being one of seasoned detective.

Wasn't it yesterday that you were sleeping in my bed, snuggled up close, snoring ever so softly, too small to roll over, and content to lay deathly still (so much so I barely slept, my hand on your chest, reassuring myself all was alright)? Today you sleep in your own room, but on that rare occasion you share my bed, your kicks, slaps, whines, and head butts reassure me that your sleep, although apparently violent, is safe and deep.

Wasn't it yesterday you spoke your first word "mama" and I squealed with delight? BOOYEAH Daddy! Today... "dada" and "ball" are your favorite words, "mama" is all but forgotten...

Wasn't it yesterday I brought your sister home and you insisted on holding her? You sat so patiently on the couch while I laid her small frame into your arms. You were so gentle, and loving, awed by everything she was. Today you shove, drag, spank, and hit her when she gets on your nerves. Although, your violent expressions end just as quick with a tear from your sister's eye; hugs and kisses replacing the shoves, and hits.

Wasn't it yesterday you fell and hit your head and your father and I rushed you to the emergency room, only to be told after four hours of waiting that you were perfectly alright? Today you fall routinely, over objects high and low, over toys, rugs, sisters, and your own feet and the emergency room is bypassed for a magic mommy kiss and occasional cookie.

Wasn't it yesterday that my biggest worry was the size, shape, and color of your diaper contents. Today I try and encourage your diaper contents to land in your potty first. A battle which is still ongoing, as for once you aren't quite ready nor eager to grow up.

Wasn't it yesterday that everything you did amazed me. Yes it was, and today my amazement was only overshadowed by my pride. I wonder, what will tomorrow hold?

I love you Gabriel, my baby...my big boy...I love you.

Sincerely,

Mommy.