To Gabriel

Dear "Big Boy",

You are becoming quite the little person. I always knew you had unique visions about our world but until recently you weren't able to express it to me. Your speech delay made it so I had to make a lot of guesses about what you were thinking, what you wanted, what you needed and I think I did an alright job translating the language you tried so desperately to communicate with. Now that your vocabulary is at an acceptable level the only problem we have is your pronunciation. Sometimes it takes me asking you to point out what it is you are requesting before I understand the jumbled words you are attempting to speak with.

In April you will be attending some speech classes and I look forward to taking you to them. I feel it is one of the last hurdles of your prematurity and it should be my job to help you vault it. I suppose I still have some guilt about my body betraying us when my water broke early. But ultimately I can't change what happened, I can only accept what is and work with the opportunities we have been given.

I can't believe that in a little over a month you are going to be three years old! It's astounding to me that three years have passed since giving birth to you. It's amazes me even more that you have two siblings that are following right on your heels. You are such a great big brother. I couldn't have asked for a better child to be the first born. You are a great role model and take your big brother role to heart. You absolutely love playing with your little sister and keeping her out of trouble. When you aren't chasing her around the house and making her laugh hysterically you can be heard saying " No Sis! No touch" or something similar. You do your best to keep her safe and and become so upset when she is hurt.

I worried that with the arrival of Preston you would finally develop the jealousy that so many people speak of. But instead you call your brother "My Baby Puck" and insist on holding him or helping me change his diapers. Your favorite thing to tell Puck is "You're home Puck" and I'm not sure where you picked that up or why you tell him this constantly. I can also find you gently stroking his head when he is "crying, mom!" and telling him "it's Okay Puck". Recently you have started to rub your face gently against his as though you were a cat in your last life, and it really just highlights how sweet you are. Your love for your siblings is so obvious. Not to say you don't fight with your sister but the majority of the time you can be found playing cooperatively next to her or even wrestling with her (while occasionally allowing her to pin you)!

Your manners also catch people off guard. You have your "please" and "thank you" down to a fine science which is amazing to your father and I because we really haven't been consistent with correcting you. However, your father and I always use our manners with each other so we figure our good modelling has rubbed off on you! Or so we like to believe ;)

You do have your own little quirks though that can be overwhelming for us as parents. You are so kind and caring but can also become upset quite easily. You truly wear your heart on your sleeve and although I don't always know what you are saying I ALWAYS know how you are feeling. I have developed quite a few tricks to help calm your nuclear, emotional explosions and now you look for me if you are feeling overwhelmed. Your father gets more frustrated with your antics than I do because he can't diffuse you as easily. But even with the unique challenges you present us I look forward to my days with you. There is something new everyday that makes me feel so proud to be your mother.

Three years old baby big boy...I just can't believe it. It seems like yesterday that your four pound 17 inch frame was placed into my arms. But you will always feel that way to me, even when your telling me "I big boy mom, I big boy".

Love you!