Girls day out

Today I was awoken by the lovely sound of my son screaming. I laid in bed while Edie stirred next to me and said the prayer every mother quietly sends to anyone who might be listening (and with my usual lack of response I'm thinking...no one) "please go back to sleep, please go back to sleep". After 10 minutes of steadily increasing hysterics I decided that I had to get him something to drink and maybe a diaper change...and hoped he'd happily head back to dreamland - "please go back to sleep, Please go back to sleep". Unfortunately Edie was now completely awake and began to whine when I left the bed...Okay...I guess you're coming with me...like that ever goes over well. I get him a glass of milk and a new diaper and as I'm changing him I see him look at Edie (Miss chatty Cathy in the corner of his room) and he breaks out into a huge grin...I groan inwardly...this is not a good sign.

I quickly get up and tell him it's still dark and Edie's tired (yeah right) and everyone needs to go back to sleep. I leave his room quickly and as I'm shutting the door the crying begins again. I head back to my room and lay in the bed with Edie -"Please go to sleep...please go to sleep" - the crying doesn't stop and Edie is giggling and acting goofy. At this point I give up.

I head back to Gabe's room, unleash the crazy from his cage and tell him that "I'm not a happy mommy right now" and I ask him if he knows why? He nods and points at his sister...."No buddy, it's because it's 5 in the morning and mommy doesn't like getting up when its still dark". Then he smiles and nods as if to say..."oh of course that's the answer...ask me again...I'll get it right this time".

We head down stairs where I run on auto pilot. Gabe asks for Rice Krispies so I get him a bowl and a spoon and he eats away. Meanwhile I feed Edie her breakfast. Ten minutes into his meal he begins to whine and I mutter under my breath "don't be starting already...at least wait for mommy to have coffee" I glance up at him and he looks back at me quizzically while holding his fork out for me...I blink...FORK? Ooops. I laugh then get him a spoon while apologizing..."well it is early" I say.

At around 930am Gabe melts down and I put him to bed. However, Edie just got up from a two hour nap so I wont be catching up on sleep anytime soon. I decide this would be a perfect time to do some shopping. I tell Scott that I'm leaving and if he needs me to call the cell. Edie and I take off to find me some much needed mommy birthday gifts. We find a cute little strip mall where I end up buying a "Princess Eats" dish set, a lamb book, a Cars fanny pack,a shopping cart sling, and a cute pair of baby sunglasses. After two hours of shopping I realize I haven't bought a thing for myself, so we pop by the grocery store where I buy myself a book and a pack of gum (which I end up sharing with Gabriel).

Now I just need to find some time to read my book, and my birthday will be complete! Truthfully I enjoyed my little girls day out and can't wait to do it again...without the 5 o clock wake up.

Edie is teething

So one of Edie's top teeth have finally broke through and she has made sure everyone in the house knows it. Thankfully a little bit of Tylenol and teething gel has giving her some relief. And poor Gabe has become her teething ring. He loves to lay on her when they first wake up, his head in her lap, while she plays with his hair. But today instead of a loving exchange he got bite marks across the back of his neck. He wasn't impressed!

During Edie's turn towards whininess Gabe has become his old self again. It's been a a few days now since I saw the mean little tantrumer he had become, so I'm hoping hes beginning to adjust to his new understanding of the world. I have been doing my best to let him make decision in order to prevent his daily meltdowns. I think I just wasn't giving him options. Now instead of telling him to do something I get him to help me. So if we are leaving the house he can decide what shoes he'll wear, and whether or not he rides in the stroller, etc etc. This has cut back on the tantrums exponentially. The other secret tantrum preventer I have discovered is the hand puppet! If he cant or wont tell mom or dad what the matter is, he'll confide it in the hand puppet and the hand puppet can talk and reason with him if hes not allowed to have something. It's amazing. It's a miracle tantrum cure for him. And every night I give the kids a little puppet show full of their favourite songs and end the set with "there's a hole in my bucket" where me and "baa baa" (its a cow puppet but Gabe thinks its a sheep so he's named it Baa baa) sing a duet! There's always an encore since the kids are enthralled and by the time bedtime hits it's a lot less of a fight.

I'm glad I have discovered some tools to help Gabe express himself and by the time my birthday rolls around (and he's gestationally 2 years old) we will decide whether we should get him in for a speech assessment. So far I think he might need a little bit of help with it, but I guess that's what the experts will tell us. Hopefully he wont need a full intervention and maybe just a few exercises to help him out, but Scott and I will do whatever it takes to get him caught up. I know it must be frustrating not being able to communicate so the sooner he can get some help, the better!

Ch Ch Ch Changes

The obvious change at my house right now is me. I've got a crazy amount of hormones raging through my body supporting my third and final baby and I'm feeling it. I'm exhausted and no longer have much patience at all. It's like PMSing, continuously. I feel so bad for anyone around me right now. I try and hold my tongue and keep my temper in check as much as possible when around my kids but its not always possible. Today Edie fell on her head a multitude of times while leaning too far to reach a toy, and every time I heard her head bounce of the floor or wall I raged. Not at her, but at the floor or wall. I was so pissed that those inanimate objects would get in her way and cause her pain that I ended up stomping the floor and kicking the wall while Scott and Gabe looked at me as though I had just been possessed. And man it feels that way. I usually have the patience of a saint. But lately that patience has turned sour! Now even loud chewing annoys the bejesus out of me. STOP eating...Is that too much to ask?! Goddamn it. Thankfully I only have about a month left before I'm in my second trimester...ahh the blessed second trimester, it can't arrive soon enough!

The second major change is Gabe being weaned from the bottle. I wasn't going to do it while potty training but potty training got delayed when Gabe rejected it outright and refused to have anything to do with it (might have something to do with inconsistency in keeping Gabe out of diapers...daddy...AHEM). In any case, I decided if Gabe didn't want to potty train then I wasn't going to force him so instead I cut all the nipples to his bottles and told him they broke! It worked like a charm. Hes obsessed with the word broken and what it means, and probably says it 50 million times a day; so it only took one nap time without a bottle to get him to accept that they were gone forever. Hallelujah, that was 1000 times easier than I thought it would be!

The next step I will make in the household is sleep weaning for Edie. I've decided to start in about a month, when I'm in my second trimester and not so tired. This transition will most definitely be the most difficult but also the most necessary with a third baby on the way.

Then the baby days will start all over again, right about the time my two oldest are gaining more independence...

Have I mentioned, this is definitely my last. Finished. No more. Done.

Vasectomy, here you come Scott...(have I mentioned how much I love you lately...when your not chewing next to me?)

Turning 27

I'm about to be 27! The clock is ticking down, and Im not sure how I want from high school graduate to mom of 2 (and a bit) in little under 10 years. I still have moments where Im propelled back in time, and I look at my life for a few minutes through the eyes of that 18 year old and think...how in the hell did this happen?

I remember being a self centered (not at all aware of it), immature (not at all aware of it), brat (kind of aware of it). I wouldnt say I was bad, or cruel, or even a bitch, I was just..well...a kid. I thought I knew it all. I thought I understood the world, and how it worked, and thought I knew all there was to know about anything that truly mattered. Boy did I have my head up my ass.

No longer does school and grades rule my life (which is sooo nice!) I no longer feel the need to get wasted, hang out with guys who are all wrong for me, or worry about my make up and hair being done just right. My worries have evolved. My worries are now about my husband, about my house, and about my mother in law. Some of me is still immature in the regard that I let others peoples judgements bother me, but at least im self aware enough to realize that now. And of course my biggest worry is about my kids. I worry about their safety with strangers and people I know. I worry about them starting school and how grades dont always reflect a child's true potential. I worry that when they get older they'll feel the need to get wasted, hang out with the wrong crowd, or be so self critical that they wont leave the house without looking just right. I worry about them believing they know it all when in reality they know very little of the world. I worry about them being like me. But at least I know that in time, if their lucky, they'll learn how to self reflect, how to apologize and mean it, and how to say..damn I screwed up and I'll do better next time.

I want the world for my kids, but I want them to earn it, so they'll get to hold that prize in their hands and feel pride. I want them to know, that no matter where you end up in life, its the journey along the way that will define you and make you better..if you let it.

So 27 years old. With 2 kids (and a bit), and a life that im proud of for the mere fact that I earned it, that I lived and learned it.

SO happy birthday me. Its going to be a good one.

Gabe's new personality

Yesterday my wonderful little guy turned into a tantruming machine, and boy can he freak out...Scott calls his new tantrums death throws because that's what it seems like. He acts like something has crawled under his skin and is eating him from the inside out, he throws whatever hes holding, pounds the floor, and wails like someone has just brutally beat him...I have to wonder what the neighbours think...

His tantrums were compounded yesterday by having to grocery shop. In an attempt to not have all of Costco staring at us I took Gabe out of the cart and let Scott shop with Edie while I chased Gabriel all over the store (I can't imagine grocery shopping alone). He loved it but had a death throw tantrum when we had to leave, apparently Costco is a toddlers dream playground. So Scott had to carry his kicking, screaming frame out the door while I pretended I didn't know them!

By the time we got home Gabe was exhausted so he went down for a nap. We woke him up at 5pm to eat his dinner which he refused to do in his high chair. After giving up and setting his plate next to mine on the table he finally decided (after he received a big person fork and knife) that he would eat his chicken, spit out his carrots, and not even bother trying his side kick. At this point Gabe lives off of protein, fruits, and vitamins. He HATES everything else. I'm lucky if he eats his dinner at all anymore.

Then he decided he wanted to play with Henry, his potty doll, but he was much more interested in putting Henry on the potty than sitting on his own. After crossing his legs, grabbing himself, and jumping around I knew he needed to go, I bribed, cajoled, begged for him to sit on the potty, he refused. He decided it would be much more fun to jump on my couch. I told him that if he had to go pee he wasn't allowed on the couch in case he had an accident...no sooner were the words out of my mouth... After cleaning up his pee off of my 1800 dollar, 6 month old couch (don't buy nice things if you have kids)I glance over to see him throw a toy at Edie's head, I yell at him to stop, he looks back at me smiles and jumps as hard as he can on Edie's leg. At this point I lose it. I tell him he's acting like a brat (which I feel enormously guilty about), that I cant take his crap anymore, and I tell him its bedtime. Then he proceeds to throw three more tantrums before I finally get him into his bed.

I huff up to my bedroom where Edie is screaming for me and I tell Scott that having three is lunacy.Edie finally falls asleep, all is quiet, and Scott and I promise to be more patient with Gabriel tomorrow.

I gotta say, if there's any person who has the power to make me feel like a crappy mom, it's a tantruming two year old.

When does this stage end? And am I really going to go through it three times?

Poop, Pee, Potty, Pull ups. P is for Pride.

The potty training for my recent two year old has commenced. I truly did not think he would take to it so soon. My plan was to get him off the bottle, then try potty training in a few months. But one morning he woke up and wanted to wear his big boy underwear and not his diaper. I agreed but said he would have to use the potty (fully expecting him to soil his underwear in the first half hour of wearing them). So imagine my surprise when after the first half hour passed his underwear was still clean, and even better than that...he peed in the potty all day that day without one accident! Well with such an unbelievably good start I had to face the fact that potty training before bottle weaning had begun and if I turned back now he may never be as receptive to the potty again!

In the past week there has been a few accidents, each taken lightly and with a grain of salt. I do get him to help me clean it up and he acts like its the most disgusting thing in the world but I just tell him that it's his accident and hes a big boy and he can help mommy with his mess. I make sure I don't shame him in anyway and theirs always a giant celebration, a farewell good bye when the potty is emptied and a sweetheart candy as a reward. I'm so proud of him and intensely sad at the same time. He is truly becoming a boy, his baby days are nearly behind him...behind us.

And then there is my little girl Edie. She has become quite the personality and makes me laugh on a daily basis. Her favourite facial expression is the nose wrinkle with quick little breaths blown in and out of its new, wrinkled shape. She also sticks out her tongue to one side when concentrating or in a goofy mood, or while in the throws of her nose wrinkled escapades. Her constant nose wrinkling is only matched by her newly discovered need to clap and dance to any music (even my horrid, out of tune rendition of Old McDonald). And she LOVES to mimic people, especially her big brother. If Gabe screams, she screams! If Gabe coughs, she coughs! If Gabe laughs, she laughs! If Gabe falls, she laughs harder...until he bruised from top to bottom from all his pratfalls just because he has an audience that thinks he's hilarious.

As much as those two entertain eachother, they also annoy eachother just as quick. Edie has tons of toys but the only one she wants to play with are the ones Gabe is currently playing with, which of course only enrages him. Today Gabe was sitting beside Edie doing his favorite Bah (bob cat) puzzle and Edie kept picking up the pieces he had managed to get together. He finally snatched the pieces out of her hand, looked her straight in the eye while pointing at his puzzle and said "EE EE, Don Tah" (Edie, Don't Touch...for anyone who doesnt speak Toddler!). It was amazing to hear a full sentence come out of his mouth, and even more amazing that he was so gentle about telling her no.

I know it's so typical of any mom to constantly exclaim how wonderful her kids are, but I cant help but speak the truth. I really lucked out with my kidlets. Everyday they amaze me...and I am so very proud of them. And I will never stop telling them that...or anyone else who happens to be within a 100 foot radius.

I am PROUD, PROUD, PROUD.

Lucky

I'm so lucky. I really am. I know there are some women (and men) out there who think stay at home moms are crazy, lazy, or mentally disturbed. Why stay home when the women before me fought so hard for equal rights, fought to make it out of the home, and fought to have their voices heard? I stay home because it's my choice, because im not bound by finances (thanks to my hubby), and because I can't imagine anyone raising my children but me or Scott. Now don't get me wrong, im not knocking women who go back to work after having kids, most of the time there is no choice, the world today dictates a dual income home, and some women just can't imagine spending day in and day out changing dirty diapers, wiping snotty noses, while wandering the house with a messy bun, and the always attractive baggy pajama pants and tank top. For some people, the thought is cringe inducing, but I couldnt imagine not doing this...

I'm well aware I look like crap most days (i'll admit it), I dont bother with make up, or doing my hair with any sort of effort (the curling iron and straightener days are long over), and the visitors to my home are lucky if I raise my arms and they aren't greeted with an amazon of underarm hair...which could be braided, beaded, and have their own 70's theme song! I know I neglect myself a fair bit in the attempt to have a home clean enough that I can answer the door to a neighbour without trying to make my self 3 feet taller and 4 feet wider in order to hide the mess behind me. It's also a success if I manage to keep the kids not only alive, but somehow farther along in their development than they were the day before. It's a much more concerted and forced effort to stay in tune with Scott, our need for intimacy put off until the kids are sleeping or are old enough to live on their own...But as in all relationships there is compromise (I don't mention the disturbing nature of Scotts unkempt, pterodactyl like toenails, and he ignores the fact my leg hair is longer than his).

But that's the nature of the beast. My choice is to put so much time and effort into my family that sometimes i forget, or am too tired to pamper myself, but truthfully I wouldnt have it any other way! And as for a makeup less face, a messy bun, and wearing sweats and a tee, I gotta say, Scott still enjoys me! I think being due in Novemeber with baby number three speaks to this. And I will enjoy raising him or her as much as I do raising Gabriel and Eden.



(PS, there is only a select few who read my blog, so please no post on facebook about the new pregnancy! Thanks friends)

And yes...im going to be fat for my wedding...but at least it will be with a baby bump and not from stress eating...or at least that's what I'll claim!