Night Time Anxieties

Lately my little fellow Gabey has become afraid of the dark. Every night we have the same routine; he has a bath, we brush his teeth, he has a bottle of water, and we read a book (usually three or four times). By the fourth rendition of his favorite book ("Mommy's Best Kisses") he would be content enough to drift off to sleep, or run amok in his room for a half an hour before dropping where he played last. Unfortunately he no longer wishes that I leave the room at all. He would absolutely lose it once I turned the light out. His screams of terror, and shouts for "mom" was enough to break my heart, and my resolution to keep him in his room ended at midnight a few nights ago. I broke (I admit it) and brought him into my room where he slept in Edie's playpen. He didnt wake once and it was probably the best sleep he has had in a while. Scott has been working night shift a lot (due to the Olympics) so it wasn't a bad arrangement. The next few nights I let him come to bed with me as I just couldnt bear to hear him so afraid even for a brief period time. On Scott's next days off he went and bought a night light and although Gabe still throws a bit of a tantrum when I leave the room its not the same screams of fright I had heard from him previously. I hope he grows out of his fear soon as I'm not the kind of person who can ignore my child calling for me, and my room is crowded enough as it is!

As for my little girl's nightly woes they seem to be disappearing; she is beginning to sleep better! Every night I start her out in her play pen where she sleeps by herself for 1-3 hours. Then I move her back to my bed. Tonight when I laid her down she fussed a little (as she normally does) then stuck her finger in her mouth and sucked herself back to sleep! I was pretty impressed. OKAY, perhaps people think that sucking body parts is a bad habit to start, but its better then needing my body parts to fall asleep with. Being able to suck her own finger back to sleep shows me that she's learning to fall asleep without me, to self soothe, just a little. And as with all things baby, when she's ready to give up the finger, she will.


Hmm, maybe my parenting style is too lax for this Western World where advice about soothers, bottles, weaning, potty training, sleep seperating, etc, seems to be on every mothers tongue, in every experts repertoire, as well as cross stitched, crocheted and knitted as 'grandmothers' golden rule on every frigin quilted, creepy ass, flower patterned, good intentioned road to hell, throw pillow out there. Pft! I say follow your instincts, do what feels right, and if it works for you and your baby than that's the only advice you need take!

Yeah I jinxed myself..kinda

Edie woke up every hour on the hour for the last two nights BUT she has been sleeping longer at naps. She slept two whole hours in her crib, something she never does! (Im lucky if she sleeps 40 minutes in her room at a time!) SO I was pretty thrilled about that. I hope she keeps it up! if she does start to sleep longer and longer intervals then I will transfer her to her crib. I think this month is a write off since Scott is working so much (I dont want to be completely sleep derprived without parental back up), so mid march is when I'll attempt lone sleeping for Edie the Sweetie.

On the Gabe front he has been quite grumpy because of his new teeth but he has his moments of extreme cuteness. For example he now loves to sing!He cant carry a tune worth a dang but its still cute to watch! He even lip syncs if you consider letting your mouth hang open lip syncing....

His interactions with Edie have also gotten more aggressive, for love, and meaness! He screams a high pitched squeal when she takes a toy from him, or if she touches one, or attempts to touch one, or stares at one too long....but hes also very sweet with her. The other day while she was in tummy time he got on top of her, hugged her, gave her his blanket, then patted her bum twice while saying "good boy"! I laughed so hard. My little Gabe can be quite a handful but I wouldnt have it any other way! Such a character!

I hope i'm not jinxing myself

Well for the past 2 nights Edie has slept 4-5 hours straight, woke up, had a short feed, and has fallen back to sleep for another 2-3 hours. Is this a routine starting? Does her little body finally need to sleep longer than an hour at a time? Dear GOD I hope so! I could not believe that I got to sleep a few hours in a row. I have never been so thankful for anything! And shes been sleeping all her naps in her room! Also very exciting.

If she keeps up this new sleeping pattern, then in a few weeks I will start to transition her to her crib at night! I will finally get my bed back, be able to spread out, roll around, find the cold spots with my feet, snuggle my hubby. OH, the little things you miss when you have to share your bed with a little person! Of course by the time shes moved I'll probably be gearing up to have a third! Yeah you heard me...I'm considering it...now that I see there might actually be a light at the end of the non sleeping tunnel. I could do it for another 9 months if need be! Couldnt I?
...maybe!

I'm haunted.

I think my house is haunted....I know! Regardless of your thoughts here are some of the things that have happened since moving in to this house in April 2009!

1. lights flicker (could be related to the shitty workmanship on the house though...)

2. Gabe sees something and has become afraid of it. (which pissed me off and I told whatever it was to leave because it wasn't welcome here)

3. I saw a Shadow Man who I had at first assumed was a living breathing person spying on me. I phoned my husband and then he just disappeared...

4. A womans voice spoke "what's that" so clearly that I heard it and could tell it was over my right shoulder and here's the kicker SCOTT (who isnt crazy, or a sensitive) responded "what?" because he thought it was me!

5.Last night I clealy saw Scott's shadowed, lumbering, frame following me down the hall to the stairs that lead to the master bedroom. I saw him kinda slide against the wall (even heard it) then turn around and go back to the main level. It took a few minutes for him to get to the master bedroom so I asked what he had forgotten and he said, "what do you mean"?
"why did you go back downstairs?" I asked
"I never went back downstairs..I just came straight up", he responded.
"No, you turned around at Gabe's room and went downstairs for something" I remember insisting.
"I dont know what to tell you but I didnt follow you up the stairs. I stopped in the kitchen to get cold medicine..I was never behind you..and I never went back downstairs after climbing the first flight..."

This is the activity to date, and it has started to pick up, which indicates to me that whatever is going on it knows I can see it and hear it. Maybe there's multiple entities here but Im thinking its just one. Its one that can mimic us and that is a little freaky. I dont like not knowing the difference between the living and the not so living...I will have to get a hold of my aunt and get her take on it. Other than ignoring what's going on, and telling it to leave, im not sure what else I can do. But for now the entity seems rather benign and I dont feel like it can physically harm us, so who knows!

Edie the Nightmare Sleeper

My little girl Edie was a champion sleeper for the first 6 weeks of her life. She even slept through the night a few times. Then at 6 weeks (exactly) colic hit. She began crying all the time. I think she had some major gas issues going on because of the milk I was drinking and at around 3 months I cut all dairy out of my diet (not an easy task for someone who is SOOOO addicted to everything cow). This helped immensely! She stopped crying during the day and began sleeping a little better at night. But her night wakings still occurred. She would still wake up screaming in pain, or drawing her knees up to her chest, or farting so loud I was surprised it wasnt Scott. So I kept her in my bed (something I never did with Gabe) and I dont think it was the wrong decision, at all, except now I'm at the point where the gas is reduced quite a bit and she's still waking every hour to suckle; which in itself isnt unusual but she wont take a soother!

So now i'm reading up on a million different ways to get your child to sleep better and I have discovered that babies have 45 minutes sleep cycles. At around the 45 minute mark they leave deep sleep and enter light rem sleep. Those babies who are especially high needs can wake up and need a bit of help to get back to sleep. Well thats great to know but it doesn't do a damn thing to help me! I just can't take it anymore, so im resorting to the one thing I wanted to avoid...slow weaning to the bottle. Thankfully, she doesn't reject the bottle like she does the soother so now Im getting her used to using it, and when she's old enough to hold it herself I will be putting it in the crib with her! I KNOW. Apparently a bad idea. "Bad for the teeth, bad for teaching them how to sleep, bad, bad, bad". Except she doesnt sleep without my boob in her mouth so what the hell is the difference? I'll tell you what the difference is. I get to sleep. I get to wake refreshed and be the mother I want to be. So I'm sorry Edie. But I think weaning you off the bottle is going to be a hell of a lot easier than weaning you off the need to suckle yourself back to sleep at night.

And anyone out there want to criticize me for my bottle use can take Edie for the night. Seriously. Take her. Then talk to me about the Ferber method, or the "no tears method", or the miracle method created in ancient sumaria. I'm done. Screw all the doctors, they dont know shit until they've had a baby like Edie.

So little one, get used to using a bottle here and there because when you hit a year I think I will be fully weaning you. I need to sleep too!

Scott

I love my soon to be husband! He's kind, caring, generous, and treats me like a princess, but this entry isnt about how wonderful he is, but rather how annoying. Now I don't believe that any person you live with, whether that be a roomate, soulmate, or child is exempt from such feelings. I think its impossible to live with people and not feel the need to randomly punch them from time to time, and usually over the stupidest things.

I know Scott works hard, and has to deal with stupid, annoying, drunk ass, speeding while driving on the wrong side of the road, idiots all night or day long, so I try and give him as much slack as is humanly possible; But is it really going to send him into a horrible, cop depressed, tail spin to hang up his coat when he gets home?

It seems like every time I walk into my kitchen his jacket is rolled into a "neat" little ball and placed over the phone on the kitchen island. The island is already a sore spot for me as it seems to be the place all the crap in our house which we dont know what to do with (rented movies, gorcery list, tax receipts, purse, etc) ends up. So should I be that surprised that his coat winds up there? YES. The coat closet is right beside the kitchen island. The coat closet is LITERALLY in the kitchen. All he has to do is pivet 180 degrees, take one step and bam, a closet with coats and hangers...RIGHT THERE. Okay, so this is a lost battle, I'm never going to win. So how about the pants...

Whenever Scott winds down after a hard day of work, or grocery shopping, or child rearing, and we sit down to watch some TV or eat dinner, or enter our living room in general, Scott feels the need to undress...Sometimes its just his socks, but often times its his pants too. Plopped right in the middle of the floor among the toy debris. Often times he does so in front of me and it takes all my willpower and tic pulsing eye, not to throw the remote at him. As im counting to 10 in my head I happen to glance at my dining room window, and wonder who else in the neighbourhood gets to see my husband walk around without clothes on...as there is no blind on that window...A blind I have repeatedly asked to be purchased and put up since we MOVED IN! Eight months ago I nicely asked my husband if he planned on putting any sort of window covering up or if he just liked the idea of our neighbours seeing my bare breast while I fed Edie. "Don't worry babe, I'll get the blind up before she's born..." I'm quite sure by now that the neighbours have been privy to know the answer to "boxers or briefs"? and they also know that although I'm tattooed, I am and always have been, nipple piercing free!

After an evening of relaxation (for Scott) and practised breathing exercises (for me) its time for bed. I change Edie one last time, get her positioned so she can breast feed herself into a short lived coma, pull up the covers and listen to the loud snoring already emanating from my hubby... two seconds after lying his head on his pillow! I struggle to fall asleep through the lawn mower like sounds next to me, only to be awoken by his sleep talking. "what?" I often mumble in semi sleep.
"it's weird how they sometimes wake up at the same time" he responds (actual conversation as it unfolded)
"yeah it is weird, im not sure why that happens"
"probably because of you" he mutters
"why me?"
"because you ride the horse too"
"I ride the what now?" I asked, beginning to realize he is sleep talking again, "I think your sleeping Scott, just turn over and go back to sleep"
"I'm not sleeping, I meant to say its because of the children, not the horse"
"That still doesnt make any sense!!"
"YES IT DOES, It's because of the DNA!"
"Scott, just go to sleep"
"WHATEVER!" he says haughtily! Hes always very annoyed when I dont believe that he is in fact awake...when hes clearly not.

By this time Edie has been woken up, im frustrated, and wish that for once I can get through the night, just one, where someone in the family doesnt wake me up! The next morning Scott and I get up, and he makes a quick run to Tim Hortons for me because hes such a sweetheart! I thank him for the coffee and BELT and settle onto the couch to enjoy my meal only to glance up and see a rolled up jacket on the kitchen counter...

It's not Spring?!?

It's such a beautiful day out I would swear it was April or May. I can't believe that February is so warm. Whether this is a good thing or bad thing depends on which expert you ask, but regardless my kids and I decided to go out and enjoy ourselves. We walked the round about way to the YMCA to get a schedule so I can take the kiddies to a kindergym once or twice a week. I think Gabe needs to be out and socializing with other children his age and Im sure Edie would just enjoy all the activity around her! The next held Kindergym is tomorrow for a 4 dollar admission! So maybe we wont go twice a week...

On our way to the YMCA Gabe asked about almost everything he saw.
"Dash dis?" (whats this)
"It's a tree!"
"A wee"! he responds.
"Yes, buddy a TUH REE".
"Dash Dis"?
"It's grass. It's a rock, a pine cone, a snail, some garbage, a fence, someone's shoe, a bird, a car, a van, a truck, the sky, the sidewalk"...Well you get the idea.

Then suddenly there was a loud noise (there's a lot of contruction in our little neighbourhood) and Gabe screams "BAH BAT".

Im thinking...what? Then I see what he's pointing at and start laughing, "Yes, Bud! It's a Bob CAH TAH. Bobcat".

We must see three more on the walk and each elicits the same response "BAH BAT". Then he insists on trying to follow them. I put the brake on Edie's stroller more times than I can count in a very well practised routine of "GABE, Stay off the road!!" as he runs wildly towards Bobcats, and heavy machinery in general. With my machine obsessed, little man, it's good to stay on one's toes, as you never know when you'll have to push off of them in a dead sprint to save him from being squished by oncoming traffic...

The walk was informative (I did get a brochure for what the YMCA offers) and it was also kinda of terrifying. I love you, Gabriel, but you will definetly give me my first grey hairs.

And Edie, whose rarely mentioned in our outdoor excursions because walks always put you to sleep...what is there to report? Nothing but my undying gratitude!